The Gift

In June, BK and I celebrated 5 years. He was in Texas for National Guard training. We didn't really celebrate. It was my dream to get-away for a day or two but it seemed impossible. We have two babies. We live in Iowa hundreds of miles from family who could help out. That is a bit of background on why it was such an amazing gift.

The Gift:

Two days staying in Rebecca's apartment in Manhattan. While Grammy, Papa, Aunt Rebecca, and Uncle Dave were our awesome baby watchers at Grammy and Papa's house.

We slept in, road the subway, sat in the coffee shop for hours, walked around the magnificant city, drank martinis, looked at the lights, and were blissful.

At one point we were walking around enjoying eachother I looked over at BK and just thought "my hubby is so dreamy."

I am so grateful that I met him and convinced him to marry me:)

Looking back we were young. Looking back we were very niave. Looking back it took a lot of growing pains to get to this point. Looking back I would not change our path. Looking back I would still run to the alter (probably faster).

Thank you Grammy, Papa, Aunt Rebecca, and Uncle Dave for your tremendous gift. Extra special shout out to Rebecca for loaning us her fabulous apartment in her magnificant city.

"My ear tube is falling out".....are you kidding me!

Since we got to Grammy's, Quint does not want to go to bed. He comes out every few minutes with a different reason for why he can't go to bed. We just put him back, but sometimes his reasons are so creative we can't help but be impressed.

Tonight my favorite was: "my ear tube is falling out"

(he has tubes, and they are still in....so it was possible)

But seriously, how does he think of these things.

I know I probably need to be firmer, but it is tough when we are out of our environment.

Anyways, I would love some advice if anyone knows how to get children to bed when they are so excited about new people, new presents, new exciting place.

Wish me luck tomorrow.

Mom and Dad or members of a covert ops team?

The boys are having a hard time getting to sleep. Life at Grammy and Papa's is just too exciting:) That being said, they still need to go to sleep! Tonight, I was laying with Quint and Russell was began crying in his crib. BK came up to help, and he took over with Quint. I headed over to see how Russell was doing, and just as I turned the corner I saw Russell lay down and was quiet. I immediately hit the deck, worried if he saw me he would start wailing again. As I laid on the carpet next to Russell's crib:

I wondered...

Am i the only parent who throws themselves on the floor to avoid waking a baby?

I examined...

the comfort of the carpet...a little prickly but overall very comfy for laying on

I listened...

to Russell wiggle around to get settled in bed

I prayed...

thank you God for such fabulous babies, for a warm home to visit for Christmas, for a hands on hubby who jumps in to help in these situations...

JUST THEN...BK walked around the corner....

I signaled "GET DOWN!"

He fell to the floor too, and army crawled over to me. We laid there together listening to the boys breathing, giggling about our situation. We evaluated their sleep status, and when the time was right, we army crawled out with success. Although, BK tells me my army crawl form is poor and my booty would get shot in a real war. HAHA. Good thing it works for crawling out of babies rooms...because bedtime is the only battle I see in my near future:)

Arrived!

The moment today: walking through the door at Mom and Dad's house. It was warm, with the glow of the big Christmas tree, and the smell of tasty food. An amazing feeling of relief and calm after a crazy day of Christmas travel.

After: Driving from Iowa to Chicago....

Parking in a slightly shady parking lot

Riding in a shuttle bus

Moving three huge suitcases, two car seats, two backpacks, and two boys to the baggage check line (which was way too long!)

Through security with the babies and dodging a stray cat! (southwest allows cats on board now....not a great idea in my opinion)

Peanut Butter and Jelly on the floor of the airport waiting at our gate

Finding a seat (southwest)

1 hour and 1/2 on the plane

Gather luggage fit it in Dad's car.....plus all five of us:)

1 hour car ride from Buffalo

Finally at 6 PM we arrived.....

Traveling with little ones is not the best but arriving to see loved ones during the holidays makes you quickly forget all the drama.

MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!!

Help! I need a wooden diesel 10!

You hear about those parents madly running around in search of the desired gift for their children. I always thought that is ridiculous. Well, as I did my online shopping I realized everywhere online was out of diesel 10. This is the only thing Quint asked for this Christmas. If you are wondering, it is a specific train engine for his Thomas the Train wooden set. So, feeling frantic, I looked to see if it was in stock at the local stores. Well, one did, so I drove the 1/2 hour to this store to get it, just to find they had just sold out. Therefore, I am still frantically looking for this treasured gift. I never anticipated becoming this mom, but it is amazing how the possible heartbreak of your 3 year old can motivate you!

If you see a crazy shopping parent this holiday season, cut them a break, they are just trying to make it a super special Christmas morning:)

And, if you see a diesel 10 somewhere call me!

Where do you shop?

I always find it interesting where a person loves to shop or dreams to shop. In a weird way it is quick insight to a piece of them. I am currently searching for a snowsuit and I came across one from Hanna Andersson. The main webpage has a picture of a very cute family in matching long johns...and it got me thinking...what type of person loves Hanna Andersson? Whose husband loves to wear family matching long johns?

Please let me know who you know who loves this store:)

here is the website if you want to check it out!

www.hannaandersson.com

As I peered through the locked car door window...

There it was, the red diaper bag. My mom and sister got it for me before Quint was born. It has my initials on it. It is not to big, not to small and it hangs on the stroller handle perfectly. Not only was it my perfect diaper bag in the locked car, but a perfect diaper bag full of all the essentials, including my cell phone, wallet, and KEYS.

How did this happen?

Well, I was eager to get the boys out of the house, so we went to the mall. I figured the people watching would be great (christmas shoppers), and at Target we could get milk and some other needs that we have neglected to get because of the blizzard. But, as I approached the mall I realized this may have been a crazy decision. It was a zoo. I haven't had to stalk someone for a parking spot since I moved to Iowa, but we did and I found a spot!

Success!

I grabbed the stroller, put Russell in the stroller, got Quint out of the car seat and then in my eagerness to get out of the cold I hit lock. I went back to the stroller with Quint and realized...oh where is the diaper bag? It is not hanging perfectly on the stroller...oh no......and

AS I PEERED THROUGH THE LOCKED CAR DOOR WINDOW......

I realized I have no keys, no money, no phone, no baby gear, and very few phone numbers memorized in my head (stupid cell phone!).

I remained calm. We went in the mall to look at Thomas the Train so I could think. I needed to be independent, I can do this. The positive self-talk rolled through my head. I found a nice mall worker and they called security who called the police. Since it was the busiest I had ever seen the mall it took them nearly an hour to get to us, but I was so grateful to see the police drive up! (how often do you say that?)

I was inside with the boys trying to stay warm. I ran outside so he wouldn't leave. Pushing the stroller, Russell's coat only half on, carrying Quint and his boots which fell off. I looked ridiculous. He giggled, at me as I approached the car. He was so helpful and opened the door in 3 minutes.

Seriously, if it is that easy to break into my car why do I lock it in the first place?

The boys were such big helpers, no meltdowns over a lack of snacks, patiently waiting by the window for the policeman, understanding when we couldn't play Thomas very long. We climbed in the car, and I was so glad to have my red diaper bag back.

We went home. Without the milk.

I got a boo boo

Yesterday, Quint fell down. It was very minor from my viewpoint, but Quint insisted that he had a boo boo from the incident. He then he said "mommy, I need ice please". Seriously. I can't believe the things he understands and says to me. I handed him some frozen califlower and he proceeded to put it on his leg. About 5 minutes later, he handed me the califlower and said "boo boo all better".

He is such a big boy:)

Wake Up Sun

In our apartment we have great windows which face East over the University. It is one of the reasons I chose it. This morning Quint and I were up eating breakfast. A great sunrise filled the sky with red, orange and yellows. I pointed it out to Quint and said "look at the sunrise Quint!" He said, "I don't see it". I think he was looking for the sun, which makes sense...

I said "the sun is coming up, it is not here yet."

He responded "Wake Up Sun!"

He voice was so confident that it was the appropriate thing to say at the moment. I just love how children help us see things in such a different light. No pun intended:)

I have decided, if I am up the sun better be too. Tomorrow, if I am up early...I think I will say "wake up sun too!"

Russell will give me the gray hair

Raising Russell is like dodging bullets. He is a big guy, who loves to climb but is not very coordinated. It is not a very good combination, especially in the toddler years. Any day you will look at him and see bumps and bruises, on his forehead. BK likes to say Russell believes his head is a fifth apendage. Its true. He bulls into things, dives off things, and despite my best efforts to keep him safe he is a walking injury.

Thank God he is also tough. He can take a hit and keep going. If he cries for more than a minute I think he might need to go to the ER. Most the time he gets up, brushes himself off, and keeps trucking.

I love him, but seriously most days I think I gain more gray hair.

Crash caused by a: flying drink cup?

Today we were on a run. Quint and Russell packed in the jogging stroller. I always bring a lot of extras in case of a melt down. It can get rough if you are a mile or two from home and a melt down occurs.

Today, there were no meltdowns, but Quint nearly caused a crisis for others....

Quint asked for his juice cup just as we were about to cross an overpass. As we approached the bridge which crosses a fairly busy road I saw him look miliciously at his juice cup. Then he raised it up, and I stopped abruptly and grabbed it. I knew that look.

It was my instinct to stop him, but then i realized I just prevented a flying juice cup.

You always hear stories of kids throwing rocks off overpasses...well I could just see it. The juice cup flies off the bridge and hits a car, causing an accident! Maybe he would have missed, or it would have just landed in the road, but either way it could have been a mess.

I don't always catch it before the crisis, but this time I am very glad I did!

If you are driving under an overpass and you see a joggy stroller up above...be on the look out, a juice cup, paci, or snack cup could be coming!

too bumpy

We moved Quint's seat to the way back of the car because we had company coming. He loved it, but it was so funny when we were driving on a rough road he yelled from the back "too bumpy!" It took me a second but it made a lot of sense. Again, he alerted me "mommy its took bumpy!" Just like the back of the bus, the back of Lexi is much more bumpy:)

I think he is getting used to it...plus I think he feels special having the row to himself!

Snow....Seriously!

It snowed today. It is hardly October. The good news is some older people told Krissy that if it snows early in October and then it warms up, it means it will be a warm winter. I guess when it snows this early, we have to hold on to whatever we can.

Even if it is a old wives tale, its something.

Failure and Triumph

I know mommy life is full of failure and triumph. But, sometimes I feel like the failure is overcoming me. In these moments I find myself questioning, can I really do this?

I find myself thinking:

"I am not cut out for this"

"If they live to 18 it will be a miracle"

" I am not __________ enough to be a good momma"

I usually fill that blank with anything from patient, organized, focused, loving, selfless.

Which statement I profess to myself in my negative self-talk just depends on the day. I am pretty confident it is not just me who feels this way. But today, I was feeling especially inadequate and thought I should blog about this. Just in case, there is another momma feeling the same way.

So, to all the mommas feeling like their moments of failure out weigh the triumphs, you are not alone.

definitely a fish

My moment: swimming under-water doing triple kick breast stroke. As I glided through the water I thought to myself...if I were an animal I would definitely be a fish. I love floating through the water, twisting around, no direction, no time frame, just looking up at the sky or bright lights from beneath the water.

It is so peaceful.

Then I thought it would not be peaceful if there was a bigger fish trying to eat me. So, I amended my choice, either a fish that nobody likes to eat, or one in a very big fancy fish tank. This way I would be able to swim around carefree all day, just like when I am gliding under water in the pool.

If I had to pick a third fish life option, I would be one of the fish who swims in a school, so I would have lots of friends to swim around with. We could get eaten, but we would be small, quick and sneaky. We would hide in the coral, and jam around to our secret places. That would be a good choice too:)

So, a question for you: what animal would you be? If its a fish, what kind?

Can we do it? Yes we can!

Today we were out the door at 815 am. Two boys, feed, dressed, clean diapers and shoes. Two bags packed. One package for the post office. As we made our way to the garage, I thought back to the summer. This summer we were so blessed to have BK around a lot. We became very accustom to having him around. When we would pack up to go somewhere it was a very good ratio, one to one. I remember thinking, how did I do this alone last year? Then immediately I thought, how will I do this alone in the fall?

Making our way to the garage, I was reminded of the Bob the Builder's catch phrase. I am embarrassed to admit I know this, but he always says "can we build it? Yes, we can!"

This summer I was doubting my ability to get out the door with both boys, to make it through the grocery store without a meltdown. But, as we made our way out the door today, I was feeling confident: "can we do it? Yes we can!"

I altered it a bit, but I think it is a great way to think...whenever you are doubting yourself just think of what Bob the Builder would say:

"Can I do it? Yes I can!"

Master of the play structure!

Russell has wanted to climb the ladder to the play structure for a while now. He can make it up the slide but has not been able to get up the ladder.

Today that all changed!

Russell is now a master of the play structure!

I found him trying to make his way up the ladder, and I went to help him. Typically I lift him a little while he climbs up, but today I thought, maybe he is ready to learn. I guided his foot to the next step and he did it. He made it up the two rungs he needed to heave his belly up on the platform and wiggle his way all the way on. He stood up and looked victorious! He immediately slide down to try again. This time, he made it up successfully without my guidance. I love watching him plop his belly, and wiggle till he is all the way on the platform. He could just do one more step and it would be much easier, but he just leads with his belly. It is adorable. We love watching our little Russell grow.

Move it, Dig it, Do it!

Today BK and Quint went to a special event at the fair grounds where they bring a bunch of cool vehicles for kids to check out and sit in. I knew Quint would love this, but Russell was a bit young. So, BK took Quint for a man outing. BK took a lot of pictures and I will post them soon on the other blog.

I stayed home with Russell, but my moment was when they got home. I saw them pulled in so I ran to meet them. Quint was glowing. He was holding a plastic construction hat and held it up and said "look mommy!" "Construction Hat!" He was so excited and for the next few minutes he told me all about the cement truck, city bus, bucket-loader, and combine. He could not even get the words out fast enough. It was awesome.

Its 5 AM

Its just after 5 AM. It is also Saturday. I know my full-time mom status does not usually distinguish weekends, but we did stay up later than normal because it was "Friday".

So, when Russell was bouncing in his crib like it was morning a few minutes ago, I immediately thought "any chance he will just go back to sleep?"

NO.

So, I am awake. We are eating dry cereal as I eagerly await the beep of my coffee maker. Russell is having a grand time playing. It doesn't seem to occur to him that it is dark outside!

I know we are generally early morning people, but this is even rough for me. I have come to the conclusion, once a baby joins the family, solid blocks of sleep are never guaranteed. But, that will not keep me from trying! Well, if you are on the awake and see this post, feel free to give me a call. I'm up:)

GOOD MORNING!

Why are we going this way?

Quint never ceases to amaze us. Today we were driving in the car and we were headed home. We had to make a quick stop at a friend's house in our neighborhood. We passed the turn to our house and a few blocks down the road Quint said "why are we going this way?"

Seriously! We had not even mentioned the stop off, Quint must have noticed that we missed our turn. BK and I looked at each other in shock. He is so observent (didn't get it from me!)

I am sure that all parents think this, but seriously, our boys are geniuses:)

Why I love sunglasses

Today we were driving in the car and it was sunny. I was wearing my big sunglasses and I thought, why do I love sunglasses so much?

I determined, for me they represent sunshine. Most of the time when I reach for my sunglasses it is very sunny. In the last few years I have lived where the sun does not shine for half the year. It taught me that I love sunshine. Thus, my love for sunglasses.

But, I have to admit sunshine is not the only reason I love huge sunglasses, ironically it is the opposite. They are perfect for days you don't feel sunny at all.

The best way to describe it is to us a Gray's Anatomy reference. Don't judge me, I like it. One of the characters often describes herself as dark and twisty. This is the perfect description of how I feel at times. In these moods, sunglasses are the best. They turn the world just a bit darker shade, which matches my mood. They also hide your eyes, which I believe are the entrance to your soul. For those days I don't want anyone to see in, I can just bust out my huge sunglasses. They protect my dark and twisty thoughts, until I can flip my mood around.

"Hey Russell"

Today I had to work at the gym at 3 pm. This can cut close to nap time. Russell was awake, so I loaded him and our bag into the car before waking Quint. When I ran into wake him, he was not happy. Quint is very slow to wake up. I carried him to the car, and he was upset. As I put him in his seat he looked over and saw Russell just chilling in his seat. He immediately stopped fussing, and said in a very casual way "hey Russell". I couldn't believe it. I was ready for a war, but when Quint saw Russell he was calm. No war needed.

I felt like he was saying to Russell "well, I guess this car trip is ok, if you are here too".

It was awesome.

On the Run

Russell is our joker.

He is always laughing and doing funny things.

Tonight was a perfect example of Russell's love of fun and laughter.

BK and I were in the kitchen after dinner, cleaning and catching up on the day, when it happened.

First, we heard Russell laughing, and then he burst into the kitchen, running as fast as he could. He was holding the vacuum wand. A few seconds later, Quint came running after him. Russell was laughing hysterically by now. Quint caught up to Russell and promptly took the wand back. It was obvious Russell stole it from Quint when he wasn't looking.

Russell didn't even cry when Quint took back the wand. He just laughed. You could see the pleasure on his face. If Russell could speak English, we think he would have said, "You might be bigger, but for a minute, I got you. Better look out, I am growing fast:)"

Quint just looked annoyed.

It was a great brother moment:)

Wind in my hair

One of the interesting facts about Iowa is there is no helmet law for motorcycles. All throughout this summer I see people riding their motorcycles or mo-peds with the wind blowing in their hair.

They seem free.

But, is my immediate thought how wonderful for them? No, its "you idiot, you are going to get yourself killed". Then it occurred to me, this is totally hypocritical. One of my most favorite past times is riding my beach cruiser. Just floating along, wind in my hair, feeling free.

I never wear a helmet. Its just not the same with a helmet, plus I think they are ugly. I know this is probably immature, but my opinion is sometimes you have to live a little.

Riding a bike and riding a motorcycle may have different risk levels, but both could get hit by a car. Both could crash into a tree (because they are changing their ipod song, or just get distracted!) Both could hit a parked car, and trust me, it hurts. But, what I realized is let the rider asses the risk. Let the rider have the freedom to make there own choice in the matter. I air on the side of freedom. I regret that I ever thought otherwise.

So, today I apologize to all the helmet less motorcycle riders in Iowa.

I celebrate the wind in your hair. Enjoy the freedom of riding in a state that doesn't make "all" your decisions for you. I will enjoy riding my beach cruiser wind in my hair style, as well.

I know at some point the boys will learn to ride and then I will be faced with a dilemma, forgo my free feeling, wind in my hair riding and become a helmet wearer.....or become the parent that says: "when you are an adult you can do it too" (referring to not wearing a helmet)

Neither are a good option, so I will dread the decision and enjoy wind in my hair riding until that day comes.

Dad's keep it simple

I love when BK has to boys to himself. Not just because I get a little break, but he is great with them.

Tonight I had a water polo, but we also had a BBQ with one of BK's classmates. I met BK at the BBQ a little later so I could play water polo. When I pulled up on my bike, I noticed the happy expressions on the boys faces. They were running around a big grass area, loving the outdoors and sunshine. (ahhh, I dread winter)

My moment was: Russell did not match, and had watermelon all over his face, and Quint was running around in a t-shirt and diaper. I guess he didn't want to wear his shorts. I might have stressed out about this, especially because we were BBQing with people I had never met, but BK is so low-key. He said, "you don't want to wear your pants" "OK."

As I thought about stressing out about it, I took inventory. Was Quint upset? No, he was super happy, laughing, running around. Russell was eating more watermelon and could not be happier. So, I just laughed and went to join them.

I think I could take some notes as a mom, from daddy BK. Don't sweat the small stuff:)

Little actions, big moments

Most people would agree raising babies is very hard work. And, as I have mentioned before, I feel it requires a lot of selfless action. Despite these truths, it is an amazing experience. From pregnancy, to birth, to every milestone, the experience feels like watching a miracle in action every day.

I feel sometimes you go through times where the milestones are bursting, or maybe I am just paying closer attention. Either way I think we are in one of those times periods. It is exciting:)

Just today,

Quint wanted to put on his flip flops "by myself!" And with just a little direction he did it! Russell, deciphered it was time to go, and went and got his shoes for us! Both of these milestones will make leaving the house much easier in the future. That is super.

And tonight we swear Russell said "ball" and "truck" amazing. Language development is incredible. Honestly, English hardly makes sense to me, but Quint is practically fluent and I think Russell is not far off.

Finally, tonight we were having bath time and Quint said "my pee pee is coming".

We quickly moved him to the toilet to save the bath water, and he sat for a while and then we heard "my pee pee coming out". Yep, our second time pee pee in the potty. BK and I practically threw a party.

Little actions equal big moments in our house these days.

So, if you are feeling discouraged, you could come to our house, we will cheer for you to say ball, or put on your shoes. If you pee in the potty you get two gummy treats:) In life its the little things:)

By the way, its a standing offer.

A curtain or a cape?

We have wonderful huge windows in our new apartment. It is part of the reason we chose it. Lots of light is something we love in our home, EXCEPT during nap time or bed time. It is very bright in our bedroom so we went this morning on a hunt for very cheap black out curtains. I have never bought curtains, or curtain rods before. (usually apartments are required to have them). Our current place does have blinds but they are not great for blocking light.

Just an aside: I had cheap blinds, they are annoying to move up and down, and terrible to clean.

Anyways.

We found some on sale at Walmart. Score!

We got home and I was eager to put them up and see if our nap time would go smoother. Quint was "helping" me. I was anxiously working to put up the curtain rod when I said "Quint hand me the curtain".

But, as I glanced over, I paused. It was my moment. Quint no longer had a curtain, but rather a cape. He was running around with his cape and couldn't care less about my need to hang curtains. Sometimes I get busy and forget to enjoy their moments. In that moment, I decided curtains could wait. Besides, capes are cooler than curtains.

Lost

BK and I have gone to the dark side, we are addicted to the show Lost. Nearly every night we watch an episode. Recently it occured to me, sometimes I wish we lived a little more like we were trapped on an island.

Imagine how different life would be if we were focused on survival.

What if we stressed about obtaining food, shelter, and water and not all the other superficial things we get caught up in now.?

What if our only concern was protecting our family?

What if, we just focused on the basics?

What if our lives revolved around living, family, community, being rescued, and God?

Despite how romantic the idea of a tropical island sounds, I am sure that if I were trapped on an island with BK, Quint, and Russell I would miss some of our basic luxuries. I would long for a strip mall, or a nice, long, hot shower. Although I think I would love the diet plan for the first few weeks, I would get over eating fish and fruit. And, even though I despise doing laundry, I would long for any form of washing machine, and I would not care if it was front loading.

But, then I thought is there a lesson to be learned here? Could I have the hot shower, and the peace of only focusing on the basics?

Truthfully, probably not.

But, I could try.

There will always be the security of my home, Costco, and a running faucet. But, I hope that next time I catch myself worrying about something superficial, I will check myself. I will remember what would "really matter" if I was trapped on an island. Hopefully, that will bring me back to reality. Hopefully, I will take a moment to realize how blessed I am to have a clean faucet, to have shelves full of warehouse shopping food, to live in our castle apartment, and to have healthy loving family.

And they say you can't learn anything from prime time TV:)

Starbucks

Today I had to go the doctor. It was actually a woman exam, and I had the boys with me. I strapped them in the stroller, and positioned them up by my head. I don't want them to be scarred for life.

I think my doctor believes being a full time mom is a disease so she did not appreciate the company, but I could care less. In my opinion, she has the issues.

Anyways back to my story.

The boys were awesome, and so we treated ourselves. Awesome Aunt Rebecca had just mailed us a Starbucks card. We went through the drive-thru and I got a tasty coffee and the boys chose a muffin. I was in heaven, nothing tastes like Starbucks with a bit of non-fat milk and two Splenda. The boys were thrilled because we hardly ever go to a drive thru so it is very novel, and the muffin was delicious!

Later I noticed my cup had a quote:

"we don't just want to make your coffee, we want to make your day.

Its not just coffee, its Starbucks."

Although Quint and Russell had rock star behavior at the doctor, it was still an ordeal. I mean seriously who enjoys going to the feminist woman doctor with two boys strapped in a stroller. No one!

Starbucks definitely made our day.

Thanks Aunt Rebecca!

We are playing water polo!

It was bath time.

Quint and Russell were both in the bath.

They had a racquetball in the bath with them.

Quint said, and I quote, "we are playing water polo".

It made my day.

For the rest of the bath time I thought about how cute they would be if they actually played water polo together. I know it is probably wrong to have plans for your children, but I would love it if they played water polo together in the future. At least I am being honest:)

From saddness to kindness

At Walmart tonight I was in line to check out. A woman was checking out with her three children. I was spacing out, and noticed her pants were too big, yet too short. She was wearing just a large men's tee-shirt, and had these terrible white Reebok's that are not cute on anyone. Isn't it terrible that this is what I was thinking? Anyways, then she began to pay with a check. I thought that is so archaic, who pays with checks at the grocery store! I was annoyed it was taking so long.

But then the checker hands her check back and says it was denied.

Brutal.

I am thinking she will get out a credit card, but no, she has the kids hand back the groceries. My heart was breaking, I felt spoiled and shallow.

Then the man directly behind her in line tells the cashier to hold the groceries, he would pay. The cashier looked at him like he was crazy, but he didn't flinch, just went running after the woman. He brought her back and paid for the groceries. I wanted to cry. The woman did cry.

I was thinking the same thing but did not act as boldly as this man. I was in admiration of him.

I learned a lot at Walmart tonight,

I need to stop judging others. I need to love freely like the man in line. I need to think less of me and more of others. I am so blessed, how can I share.

I feel so often we are jaded, just like the cashier. We make excuses for our selfishness. The homeless man holding a sign, "couldn't he get a job?" or the women at Walmart who can't afford her groceries "she is probably a crack addict, or can't they get food stamps?"

But what if its false? What if there is no excuse, and we are just called to love them, to help them?

Just food for thought. I had to share this story, at least for this evening it changed me. I hope it will change me forever, and I hope when presented with a situation like this again, I hope I will chose not to judge but to love.

mommy, don't leave me.

Lately, Quint has been wanting more cuddle time at bedtime.

The kicker is after I spend some time tucking him in, and I get ready to go, he says:

"mommy don't leave me"

It is probably manipulative to avoid going to sleep, but it works. Most nights I will lay back down with him, for a bit longer. My motivation is not to keep him happy, but rather to

Soak it up, this will not last forever.

So tonight, bed time may take a bit longer, but its worth it.

I Need Valet

Today it was pouring rain, and I had to go work at the gym. I am sure you can picture it: me walking to the car, carrying Russell, a diaper bag, and an enormous golf umbrella. At the same time, Quint was walking at my feet trying to hold the end of umbrella, which required me to hunch over....it was not pretty! As I drove in the lovely Iowa weather, I anticipated making it through the parking lot with the same load, and thought....I need valet. Especially with winter and negative temperatures looming, I really need valet.

I my earlier life (pre-babies) I would go to the mall or restaurant and see signs for valet and think: how ridiculous. Can't people just park there own car? Well my thinking has changed. I would love for someone to open my door for me, hold the umbrella and help me with my load of bags and babies into any place we need to go. Then drive my car and park it in some distant lot and brave the weather for me. Then, we could wait in the building all warm and cozy, as the same person, ran to get the car, warmed it up and help us load the bags and babies with minimal exposure to the elements of the day.

Ahhh....to dream.

Just then I snapped back to reality as I pulled into the parking lot, and I realized my windshield wipers were on high. This should be pleasant:) Unlike my daydream, there was no valet. So, I parked in a distant spot, unloaded my bags and babies, tried to corral Quint under the umbrella as I tried to lock the car, attempted not to drop Russell, and hold the diaper bag.

Where is my valet?!?

Selfish

I wish I had some cute story about my babies to share today. I am sure they did many cute things, but it is all over shadowed by my selfish endeavor.

Last night I rode my beach cruiser to play water polo.

It was my happy place, I was able to ride my beach cruiser through the campus and play water polo for about an hour.
First of all, I love riding my beach cruiser. It is total bliss. I hope to ride my beach cruiser till the day I die. It is that fun.
Then, I got to play water polo. I didn't play very well, but I just love everything about it. The way you smell of chlorine, how your skin feels when you get out of the pool, the chatting with teammates, how all your muscles hurt after just a few minutes of playing, swimming, stealing the ball, making silly mistakes, passing to someone who scores, and don't forget the endorphins!

I know its a game, so of course it should be fun, but every time I play I remember why I dedicated over 10 years of my life to this sport. It is my happy place.

Will I always point out cool vehicles to my car passangers?

We were driving in the car and he said "look mommy, cement truck!" I sped up so we could drive next to it. Quint was so excited:) I love it when he is so joyful.

It reminds me to be joyful of the simple things in life.

This experience is very common in our travels these days. For the past few months our lives have revolved around things with motors. Cars, motorcycles, boats, fire trucks, dump trucks, tractors, bucket loaders, cranes, and of course, cement trucks.
When we drive I always point out any of these motor vehicles so Quint or Russell doesn't miss one. If Quint sees it first he will point it out, and often draws Russell's attention to it as well.
The funny part is... occasionally I am driving in the car without the boys. And, in these rare solo car rides I catch myself saying "Quint, Russell, look!" then I realize they are not there.
Although I love these solo trips, in these moments when I pass a cool truck or tractor, and I realize Quint and Russell are missing, it makes me feel lonely. Where are my boys to jump for joy and clap at the sight of a tractor or train? Don't get me wrong, I will still relish a trip to the store without moving a load of babies and bags, or especially the lovely kid-free trip to the gym:)

But, I worry that when I am older and the boys are much older I will miss these days.

I wonder, will I ever drive and not think of my boys when I pass a cool vehicle?

Part of me hopes I will always be reminded of them, and their joy and innocence at this age. But, hopefully I will eventually stop pointing out cool vehicles to my car passengers, that could just get a little weird a few years down the road:)

I mean can you picture it: the boys are teens and I am running them to school or an event and I am pointing out the bucket loader? That would be more than a little strange:) Please save the comments: I know I will never be normal, but that would be 51/50 worthy...don't you think?

For now I am embracing the stage, and I hope to never miss an opportunity to point out a cool truck, tractor, or bus with my boys in the car! It is so much fun:)

Beautiful Iowa?

I have to admit I am known to complain about Iowa...occasionally. To all the Iowans whom I love and may read this blog, it is nothing against you. Its winter, snowing on my birthday (in APRIL), tornadoes, humid summer, bad drivers, and the hills in our town that are not good for beach cruisers.
But, that being said there is a lot I have come to love about Iowa.
The people are amazing. The cost of living is rational. Having many children is normal. Full time mom's are common. The shopping is terrible, which is great for my budget. Exercise is valued. We never, ever think about traffic. UI is perfect for BK. It is not immune from life's problems but for some reason life just seems simpler.

Tonight, I was driving to the gym, it was about 8 pm and our gym is out by the farm fields. Which is only a few miles from our house:) The sun was setting, and the corn is as tall as me. I looked out over the field and the sun was shining through the corn and it was gorgeous.
I thought to myself it is beautiful here.
I parked at the gym and looked across the road at the corn field. Iowa has its moments, and for a moment I thought, I can see the appeal, I can see why people love Iowa.

Living in a constant state of contentment

BK goes back to school on Monday. We are soaking up our last few days, and today we just hung around the apartment and played together. I love our little place, it has character, it is fun, but our living arrangement is ....should we say "unique"? Sometimes I am a bit self conscious about it.
But, today in our "little place" we had BIG FUN.
I realized, kids don't count square footage, they don't care about granite counter tops, or fancy furniture. They just want a place to have Big Fun.
BK the boys and I had so much big fun in our little place it just reminded me. You are so silly, life is awesome, and we can have big fun here so that is all that matters to Quint and Russell. Therefore it is all that should matter to us. Humm.

It got me thinking, today I was in love with my life, with my family, with our little place, with our family sleeping room. I was happy, I was content. Then I thought, it felt good. To just be happy and content.
My wheels were rolling:
In my opinion, society tells us we need bigger, fancier, gagetier, and I succumb to this thinking quite often. I am currently lusting after a Schwinn Joyrider bike trailer, some super yoga pants that make your butt look perfect (KKHall told me about them) and an ipod touch. But, I must constantly remind myself it doesn't matter. Next week there will be a new ipod, a better bike trailer, and the pants will be out of style, or too small for me:) If we can just find contentment in our life, right now, we will enjoy life so much more. Living in a constant state of contentment is one of my focuses for this year.

When I sit down and actually think about it, I am very content, well, until the ipod commercial comes on.

Russell wake up!

Russell almost always falls asleep on the way home from church. Maybe its the busy morning of playing or the windy country road we drive home on, but whatever it is, it makes him very sleepy. Today Quint noticed that Russell was asleep and he began yelling "Russell wake up!" We quickly tried to explain to Quint "Russell is sleeping, its his nap time, let him be." But, Quint was adamant. He said "I want to play with Russell." Just then we pulled into the garage and parked the car. Russell usually falls asleep in the car, but he almost always wakes up before we can get him to the crib. Today was the same, he woke up when we turned off the car, and Quint was jazzed. He said "look Russell awake!" I am so glad Quint liked having his brother around.

I recently ran into a woman who has two boys ages 9 and 10. I inquired "do they like each other?" Her response stuck with me: "Its family, there is no room not to like each other." She said it with such conviction. Obviously in her opinion, if you are family you must like each other. I like this concept. Who cares about personality differences, we are family....period.

I think I am going to adopt this theory.

Wow, thats a mullet.

Today I looked over at Russell, and realized "oh my gosh" he has a mullet. I knew I had been avoiding Russell's hair cut. The main reason is second child guilt. With Quint we took him to a proper hair cutter for his first hair cut. He got a special certificate and we took loads of pictures. I have taken over cutting Quint's hair. I am clearly not a professional, but its good enough to save 10 dollars. I knew deep down I was not going to take Russell to the professionals for his first hair cut, and I was feeling guilty.

Today I realized the mullet looked worse than Russell not having a "first hair cut" certificate. So, I set up for a home hair cut. I did put him up in the big spinny office chair, I saved some hair for his baby book, took a bunch of pictures, and I think he liked it.

I did have to go through three different pairs of scissors before I found one that would cut his hair. Russell got a lot of me, including my very fine hair.

The best part: He looks like a very clean cut boy, and no more Mullet.

Graduate...seriously.

Today I officially graduated. I never thought it would happen. Its been a terrible ordeal. I shouldn't complain, its self-inflicted pain.

Honestly, I just had to finish so I wouldn't feel like I failed. I have issues with failure, I didn't need failing to graduate too.

My status posted today:

Graduate.

The crazy part is I may never "officially" use it, but I am proud that I didn't quit. That's something right?

What are you doing out in this spell? What spell?

Today we had to stop by our old place to see our former 82 year old neighbor, Betty. She was planning to come over and visit with us, but in the moving chaos I lost her number. It was overcast day, raining on and off, but when I pulled into our old complex it was just sprinkling. I left the boys in the car and ran in just to get her number. Betty, came to the door and after we chatted about the number, she looked at me a bit concerned and said

"what are you doing out in this spell?" This instantly sparked a flashback for me.

Rebecca and I are in Europe, and we traveled to a little island. Well, I wanted to rent bikes to see the sights. Rebecca was against the idea, but agreed. We were pretty far along on our gorgeous ride by the ocean, with sheep and rolling green hills when a local woman stopped us and said

"what are you doing out in this spell?"

We were like "what spell?"

Sure enough, we continued a few more miles to our goal, and took some pics before turning back. When all the sudden a big rain storm kicked up. We had to ride all the way back in the pouring rain. As you can imagine, Rebecca was less than thrilled.

I even told her to "be like Lance Armstrong" which I thought was very encouraging till a local couple in their mid-sixties passed us.

HAHA.

Just then I snapped back, and I was standing with Betty as she asked me about being out in the spell. I had the same silly response

"what spell"

She informed me that there were tornadoes north of Cedar Rapids and bad storms headed for us. I freaked out! How was I supposed to know, I don't watch local TV, I was out doing errands, I didn't hear a siren!

I said good bye to Betty, and ran to the car. It was raining harder than before and it began to pour like crazy.

I was having visions of crossing the river and seeing a huge tornado coming towards us. Seriously how do people live here!

Well, we made it home safely.

But this is a life lesson. If you ever have an older person ask you "what are you doing out in this spell?" In my experience you better head home fast.

Maybe when you are older you get intuitive thoughts about the weather, you know like dogs with earthquakes....or maybe they just watch the weather channel more:)

Phone Call

Today I received a phone call. It was a great friend, and their news was my moment. They shared they had returned to life as an exerciser!
I am a huge fan of exercise. Your body loves you, the endorphines are amazing, and it just makes life cheerier. In my opinion.
I was thrilled.
Many people will disagree with me, but I believe the world would be happier if all people were exercisers.

Quint, where is you drink cup?

Today we went to the gym for a bit. I always bring a drink cup for both Quint and Russell. At pick up, I noticed Russell's cup was in the bag but Quint's was missing. I did a quick scan of the play area and did not see it. I asked the teacher and she did not know where it was....so I asked Quint. "Quint, do you know where your drink cup is?"
He nodded, and I followed him as he walked straight over to the pretend washer. He opened the lid to the "washer" and pulled out his drink cup. The teachers, BK and I were amazed. Well, I would not have thought to look there.
This happens regularly with Quint. We are not sure where something is, and he knows. His memory amazes me.
It was a funny moment.
But, later I was thinking, why did he put it in there in the first place?
I am sure he had a reason.

The Advocate

Recently Quint's language has exploded. I might even say he is becoming fluent in English. What I love is that he has begun to use his words for Russell. Occasionally he uses his words to keep Russell away, but I have noticed he uses them more often to advocate for Russell.
If I give Quint a cracker he states "Russell wants one mommy"
When we drove by the train he said "look Russell!"
Climbing on the loft bed "Russell up too, mommy"
If Russell is sleeping "mommy wake up Russell" (he wants his playmate:)

Don't get me wrong, he also uses his words to say "stop Russell" or "mommy Russell away!" And, there are the multiple times daily that he tackles him.

But, it is amazing how at 2 1/2 Quint has become an advocate for Russell. I hope it is a glimpse of how he will be as a big brother, someone that will occasionally beat on him, but in the big things,he will stand up for him.

Stuck to You

We are nearly unpacked but their are still some remnants of the move around the house. Today Quint found some old tape he pulled off a box he found. He was standing next to BK and proceeded to stick one end of the tape to his shorts, and the other end to BK's.
"Look Mommy!" he exclaimed. He was so proud that he had stuck himself to Daddy. I responded "guess you and Daddy have to go everywhere together!" He smiled. "yep". I think he thought that was a great idea:)

paint my toe nails?

Today I had another moment I just had to share. I was getting the boys ready for bed and it occurred to me, maybe I should paint my toe nails.
WHAT?!?
This thought made me stop in my tracks. For normal woman, this is probably a weekly thought, but I have never been girly, and these extra beauty bonuses have gone by the wayside with these early birthing years. I do shave my legs (don't get grossed out). But, I mean painted toe nails was always an extra in my book.
I thought back to when I remember painting my toe nails last. I know it sounds rediculous, but I remember painting them while I was waiting to go into labor with.....QUINT. Yes, that is right, that means once I have not thought to paint my toe nails since Quint arrived.
Now, I may have done it once or twice, but if I have I don't remember, hummm maybe Jaime and Cheryl's wedding, but that was more out of obligation (open-toed dress shoes).
This makes me feel like a normal woman again! Wow, maybe I am transforming back from birthing/nursing/baby machine into Christy. A woman with babies. Wow, what a moment.

An oasis of happiness.

Today we went for a walk to the park by our new apartment. It was the first time we had been to the park since they opened the seasonal outdoor pool. We were just heading to the playground because I am not ready to conquer the pool alone with the two boys. As we approached I realized it was hot, and the pool looked like an oasis of happiness. It was clean, blue, and sparkling. I longed to jump in, swim around, in an ideal world (play water polo). I had flashback to my years in SJSU spending every afternoon around such an oasis. Although this was a nice moment, my moment I want to share came when I saw how Quint was drawn to the pool too.
He did not even want to play on the playground, but just stood by the fence watching the kids jump off the diving board, swim around with their goggles, splash in the baby pool.
I wondered if his feelings were the same as mine, I wonder if he was thinking "wow, that looks like an oasis of happiness, its clean, blue and sparkling. I long to jump in".

Maybe this is what he was thinking....
Maybe, Quint will grow to love the water like his momma.
Maybe in the future I will get to spend hours around the oasis of an outdoor pool again, but this time as a spectator.
Maybe he just loved watching the activity.
Maybe I am destined for hours by a baseball diamond, or clarinet lessons, but I can keep my fingers crossed....right?

Deodorant

Today I learned there is even more I can do while holding a baby:)

I was holding Russell, and I desperately needed to put deodorant on. I grabbed the deodorant, and looked in the mirror, hummm, Russell was clearly in the way of good cross arm application. I could have just set Russell down for a bit, and if it were Quint I probably would have. But, those of you who know Russell understand its not always an option:) So, I held then end of the deodorant, and applied it to the same armpit. Then I switched Russell to the other side, and I repeated. I have to admit this is the first time I have every applied deodorant to left armpit while holding it with the left hand, but it worked!

I felt quite accomplished, and I smelled a lot better:)

Fear

I am not sure why, but I am terrible afraid I am going to die of skin cancer or drowning. Somehow my love of the water and sun will eventually kill me. Its weird, but true.

So, the other day I got a new mole and I picked at it. (Don't do that). It looked even worse, I was totally freaking out, what if it was cancer and now it is spreading all through my body...ahhhh. Of course, I looked on the Internet, but there were mixed reviews about picking at a mole leading to the spread of cancer. My anxiety level was sky high, and it hit me.

My moment.

Fear.

We can not live in fear. It can paralyze people. And I was allowing it to paralyze me.

If anything the anxiety will get me before the cancer:)

When I recently learned about fear, the key statement was:

If skin cancer (or any scary thing) than God.

Its true. Fear is worthless, God is priceless.

So, I called the dermo and made an appointment and forgot about it.

Peace....it feels good.

In a week it will all be gone...or will it?

Its 7 pm and time to eat dinner. Quint just finished watching a train show. I turned off the TV so we could eat a peaceful dinner...or so I thought. Then out of nowhere: Quint threw himself on the floor crying and screaming "watch TV...boohoo boohoo!" You would have thought I ran over his favorite stuff animal. Real tears streaming down his face...."watch TV....boohoo...boohoo!" This went on for 10 minutes. Finally he pulled it together to eat, but he was not happy.

We have only been in big TV land (at my parents) for about a month. It is amazing how attached we all have become. I have to admit, I love watching movies on the big screen at night, Quint loves watching his favorite shows. In less than a week it will all come to an end...and hopefully with it, the temper tantrums:)

Live more like the tree-cutter?

Today the tree cutter finally came. We heard the neighbor had ordered a tree to be removed and I knew the boys would love to watch. So we had been looking for them. It was only one man, he was in his mid-fifties. He backed up the truck to the tree, and put a ladder on the truck bed up against the tree. He climbed the rickety ladder with confidence. He assessed the situation. He saw us watching and said, "I didn't realized it was this tall...". His ladder only went up 2/3 up the tree, and it was shaky.

He could have called for back up. It was a big job and no one would have blamed him. But, he didn't hesitate, he climbed the ladder with a huge chain saw, and went to work. Although it looked risky, he had confidence in his skills and went to work. The large tree truck fell perfectly between the two houses. He had the whole tree down in a few minutes.

It made me think....when faced with a large task, something a bit risky or challenging, do I hesitate? Do I focus on my self-doubt or step forward in confidence? How often do I miss opportunity for success because I hesitate.

In the future, I hope to be more like the tree cutter.

Home

My moment: Sitting in the cell phone lot at the airport, eagerly awaiting BK's call.

9:32 PM

Phone rings, BK is off the plane, but he has checked luggage so he will call when he has it.

More waiting........and waiting........

(just an aside: cell phone lots are funny people watching...I was observing the random lady next to me...why does she have that kind of car? Interesting hair.....is she texting? The old people in the Buick were funny too)

But the people watching could only keep me entertained for so long, BK was in that building waiting by the luggage carousal, and I have not seen him for 27 days!

9:44 PM

I call, can't wait anymore! But, no answer!

9:54 PM

I can't wait anymore, I decide to circle the airport, hoping he will call soon!

9:56 PM

He calls! He's ready!

I circle around the arrival pick up area, and I see him.

He is in uniform, holding a few bags, and waving to me!

He looks little different, a little less hair, a little more tan.

But, same big smile, same lanky arm wave, same big warm hug.

My match is back!

Thank you for old friends

Lisa is visiting this weekend. She is a great friend, and we have shared the past 12 years together. Having her here reminded me of how special old friendships are. We are having a great time laughing about old funnies and new funnies, drinking coffee, catching up on life.

I am so grateful for my old friends. They love me, inspite of me. They have known me at my worst, and still return my phone calls. I am so greatful, for these people in my life. There are a few other great, old friends out there (you know who you are).

A good friend is a connection to life - a tie to the past, a road to the future, the key to sanity in a totally insane world. ~Lois Wyse

Jurassic Park or my bed?

Finally my bedtime. Both babies finally asleep. I was exhausted. Russell has been fighting a fever for the last few days and has been up multiple times in the night the past few nights, and last night was no exception. I jumped into my bed so excited to get a little rest to make up for my sleep deprivation from the past few days. When.....ouch! Something sharp, I pulled the covers back and saw the culprit. A small plastic dinosaur, with many pointy edges.

Its an occupational hazard. I forget the bed had doubled as jurassic park earlier in the day.

Just then, I broke a major rule in our house. I threw the toy across the room. Instantly the bed was transformed from jurassic park to cozy sleep heaven. I was asleep before you could say dinosaur.

A Real Letter

Today I was sorting through our mail, it was the typical junk mail and a few bills. Boring. Then at between all the legal size envelopes I came across a smaller, unfamiliar envelope. It was not mass produced, it did not contain a return envelope, it was hand written and it was addressed to me.

IT WAS A REAL LETTER!

Did you know that the mail man can bring things besides bills, credit card applications, and purchases from Ebay? It had been so long since I received a handwritten letter, I almost forget you could send them.

I examined the handwriting. It was very familiar. It was from BK! He could have just sent me another email, but he took the time to find paper and pen, write me a letter, and mail it. The most impressive part was he splurged for the 43 cent stamp:) It was very romantic.

It reminded me that I should send friends and family a real letter occasionally. These days it is a novelty, and very special. I know it made my day!

Mansion. Apartment. Shack. House. (MASH)

Tonight a great old friend came over for dinner. I had not seen her for probably 15 years. We chatted, caught up, and shared feelings about life at 30. Life has taken us on different paths, different jobs, different cities, but it was great to connect and share about life.
My moment today came when Julie said, "things don't always work out the way we plan". As we watch the sunset, we continued to talk but the comment stuck with me. Its true.

Despite the best plans people I know are suffering; unemployment, divorce, sickness, broken relationships, unrequited love, infertility, and on and on.
As I reflected on her statement, I thought back to when we were children.
Children believe anything is possible.
We could be anything.
We could marry the dreamiest man, and everyone lives happily ever after
Everyone has enough money.
No one gets sick.
Everyone can be friends.

Life is fair, simple, possible, & controllable.

As children we planned our whole life out in a quick game of MASH. Our careers, who we will marry, the pets we will have, the home we will live in, the number of children we will have, the place we will live.
When we grow up we learn life is a lot more unpredictable than a game of MASH.

Sometimes I miss the naivety of childhood.

The Climb

Tonight I drove up to pick up Dave, and a song came on the radio which I really love.

There I was, driving, singing with hand motions.
(Just an aside: my voice is terrible, and my rhythm questionable)
It may be silly, but I think singing out loud to music is one of the simple pleasures in life.

BUT, I HAVE TO ADMIT....

The song was by Miley Cyress....SSSHHHH DON'T TELL ANYONE!

Its a little embarrassing.

I am proud that I have never seen Hannah Montana.

I would not call myself a Mylie Cypress fan.

That being said...

I love her song "The climb".

It is a great message, and I am thrilled it could become an anthem for pre-teen girls.

Finally, a positive message for them.

Why it resonates with me:

I view life as a journey, and I feel challenge is what makes the journey worthwhile. It is this reason that I love this song. Here are just a few lyrics:

"The struggles I'm facing,

the chances I'm taking,

sometimes might knock me down,

but no I'm not breaking.

There is always going to be another mountain,

I am always going to want to make it move,

always going to be an uphill battle,

sometimes I'm going to have to lose"

If you happen to be driving by me and see me singing and bouncing around,

DON'T JUDGE!

I am in my happy place:)

and now you know I might be singing to Miley...but don't tell!

Just for a moment

Today we went to TJ Maxx to look at the toys for the boys. There was a rack of swim suits so mom and I paused to look. I found a few cute ones, so mom offered to take the boys so I could try them on. Something I never attempt while out with the boys since the stroller diving incident.

There I was in the dressing room, five suits to try on. Four nice, cute suits and one just for fun. I rushed through, the first four which were cute, but fairly normal. None of them were amazing. These days I only splurge for amazing.
The fifth suit was outrageous. It was originally $169 and was still $50 at TJ Maxx. (Definitely out of the budget)
One of those 80'S throw back, a two piece connected by strips of fabric. Bright green with gold chain links on the sides of the bikini, two strips connecting the top and bottom, which served as the bikini top. Strings tied around the top and the back. It was awesome!

As i stood there in that fabulous suit, JUST FOR A MOMENT I was not in the dressing room at TJ Maxx, I was in an exotic location, by extravagent pool, hanging out in one of those cabana's with the curtains. I am a fabulous heiress, a few inches taller and a few pounds lighter, I spend my days doing pilates and yoga, getting facials, and hangout poolside wearing bath suits like this and looking gorgeous.

Then the moment passed. I was back in the dressing room, wearing the suit. It was fun, sexy, and a bit scandalous. In my real life, scandalous doesn't really fit in:) A boob would probably pop out while swimming with the boys, or wakeboarding. Nobody wants to see that! Plus, could you imagine the tan lines? HaHa! I would look like a zebra:)

Well, it was the perfect suit....JUST FOR A MOMENT.

That is a short rope!

In our family we joke about short rope/long rope personalities. Basically, very people orientated versus independent. I am a classic short rope, if BK is on the phone I might follow him around just to be with him. Well, Russell is me in a nutshell, always wanting people play with him, hold him, and to be in the group. Today his rope was even to short for me!

I had to shower, so I thought he would play in the bathroom with a truck while I showered. (Quint would do this very well, but he is a long rope). As I got in the shower Russell followed me right in! I could see it in his face you are not leaving me out here! So, in the shower he went. I don't think he liked the splashing water, but I think he thought it was worth it as long as he was being held.

I was again amazed at what I can do while holding a baby. Well, its important to embrace the moments.

Rockin'

Rockin' is a word I use to describe exciting, awesome things or events. But tonight it had a much different meaning....or did it?

It was bedtime and Quint wanted to "rock". As we snuggled into the rocking chair, I embraced the moment. As we rocked, I reflected on the different events or things I had described as "rockin" in my life. It was a diverse list, but tonight it become even more unique.

Tonight I decided rocking with Quint is "rockin'".

A glimpse of Grown up Dave

Today Dave had his first real interview. He dressed all snazzy in his new suit, and he looked all grown up. Until this moment, Dave has fufilled the little brother role perfectly. He is fun, adventuresome, loves to engage in reckless activities. He is even a super uncle, who gets down on the floor and play with the boys.

But today, he looked like a business man. It freaked me out a bit, but I guess it is about that time.

Even though it may be time for him to be a "grown up" I have to admit I am not quite ready. So, as nice as it was to see him moving on in life, I was grateful when he changed out if his fancy suit and offer to take the boys and I for a boat ride. Moments later he was jumping off the boat wearing a suit that was much more familiar, his red lifeguarding swim suit, playing peek-a-boo with the boys around the boat. It might be selfish, but I was grateful that my little brother was back, even if it is only for a little while.

Victorious!

We have been in NY for 3 weeks and every night bedtime has been a battle. It slowly has been getting better, but tonight I was VICTORIOUS! Everyone was in bed, asleep by 7:45 and there was no crying involved! I keep turning on the monitor expecting to hear crying...but silence. Ahhhh, so peaceful. Hooray! Hooray! Time for a happy dance!

Just so you know, during these little mommy victories I feel the need to do a happy dance or occasionally just a random high kick:)

Defending Russell

We have always said to Quint "Be gentle, Russell is a baby". This has quelled the violence fairly well, till recently. Quint has begun to be more aggressive with him. His favorite move is to get him around the waist and drag him to the floor.

Tonight he did his favorite move, and Russell crashed to the floor and banged his head on the tile. I was so furious. I am not sure if it was my empathy for helpless Russell who seems to keep crashing despite my best efforts to protect him, or my pre-pregnancy dream of two boys close in age playing together in harmony, flying out the window. Quint was punished and sent to bed early.

Tomorrow is a new day, but momma will be on high alert for any milichious actions between the brothers. It could be a long day in the time out corner:)

Thank you cute man in the VFW hat.

Snapshot: at the grocery store, pushing the huge cart (with the driving car on the front) piled with groceries, Russell in the jump seat slobbering on an apple, Quint driving the car and making a lot of car sounds. Despite my efforts to look like super momma, I am sure I look more like a huge mess.

Coming toward me are a few older men wearing their VFW hats. They are totally cute, and one in particular gives me a huge smile. He smiles and winks at me and says hello to the boys. He says "you are a busy one". I give him a grateful smile and just say "yes". His vibe was appreciative, caring, and supportive of my life stage.

It is interesting the responses you get from people being a full time mom of two little ones close in age. But, I routinely run into older men and women who affirm me, build me up, and encourage me. When I am pulling my hair out, trying my best to be a good mom and actually get some groceries, a little encouragement goes a long way.

CRASH. SILENCE. SCREAM.

Today...a bad momma moment.

It was early evening and I took the boys upstairs to play for a while. They were jumping on the bed, and Russell jumped the wrong way and crashed into the corner of the wall. I have to imagine most mothers can relate. It all happens too fast. You reach and miss, then it is CRASH...SILENCE....SCREAM.

Russell rebounded but he had a large line bump across his forehead. If it happened to me, I would have been on the couch for a least an hour. But, Russell was off playing and eating a snack five minutes later. Thank God children are so resilient, otherwise I don't know if they would survive me.

Where did they go?

Today we ventured out for the classic boat ride down the lake. It was the first time we did it with both of the boys. We stopped to swim in the deep water. I was a little hesitant because the water was a bit chilly, but Quint yelled "go" so I had to jump! The best part was Russell's face when I popped up from under the water. He was peering over the edge of the boat....looking intrigued/concerned. I could just see his working brain....where did they go? When I climbed out to jump in again, he smiled, and we repeated the same. His cute face peering over the edge...and then smiling when he realized I was ok. What a cutie, and what an amazing experience to watch them learn. I know soon he will be yelling "go" to get us to jump in, and soon after that he will be jumping too. It will all go to fast, so today I embrace the moment of "where did they go?"

Running after a parade?

Something I never saw in my future was running like a mad woman after a parade, but today it happened. This morning the neighbor called to say there was parade in town with fire trucks. I instantly felt like a terrible mom, "why didn't I think about that, Quint would love to do that, of course there would be parades on the 4th of July".... Well, desperate to recover from what I viewed as a mommy blunder, I threw Quint in the car and we went to see if we could catch it. Well, I got redirected up and around the parade in traffic, and by the time we parked it had just passed us. I had the joggy stroller, and so we ran. Quint and I ran to catch the parade. We dodged people on the sidewalks, groups cleaning up their chairs, and ran by all the fire trucks in the parade. As I ran I pointed out the trucks and when we got to the beginning of the parade we stopped and tried to look like a casual observer (a normal parent) even though I was panting from the half mile run I had just sprinted! Quint loved it. Totally worth all the effort.

Porta cribs

We are in NY. We have been here for close to two weeks but have not found a functional sleeping situation for the boys. This morning I was thoroughly frustrated, partly do to my mental, physical, and emotional exhaustion of the bedtime battle which has taken around 2 hours lately. I was determined to find a working solution, and I decided to put Quint in the big crib and set up the porta crib for Russell. Sounds simple. Well, I could have words with the inventor of the porta crib (at least the modern day version). The trick is you must lock all the side arms before pushing the floor of the crib open. If you do not lock the arms they will not work, until you unlock the floor. My crib is old and the arms don't like to lock, so I was shaking it, banging it around, pulling, jerking, and trying to coheres the arm into the locked position. As I wrestled with this stupid, yet very practical invention, I thought...."really, maybe I am not cut out for the calling of motherhood. Clearly, I am not patient enough, I still prefer to be selfish, and I hate porta cribs!" More times than I can count in my journey of being a mom have I felt overwhelmed, inadequate, ill-prepared, and unworthy of the challenge of raising these fabulous boys. This was one of those moments.

An Update....despite my war with the porta crib, the new sleep arrangement is working! Its a miracle. I have avoided complete motherhood failure for the time being.

Big Steps

Today I was just watching Russell toddle around and I noticed Russell takes very large steps. When he sets his sights on getting across the room he does it in about five steps. He swings his legs out as far as they will stretch to get the maximum length per step. I do not remember Quint being concerned with step efficiency...he was more of a bunch of little quick steps. Now that I have noticed Russell's large steps, I can't help but laugh when I see him waddle across the room. I am not sure what this means about Russell, but I love noticing the differences between the brothers!

Resurrecting the everyday.

I have been blogging everyday for BK while he is away and it has made me reconsider letting this blog fall by the wayside. Because, everyday does have a moment. Even if very few people care about the moments, or even if my moments are a bit too personal for the internet, I am going to begin recording them. Better to over share than forget. Plus, life is real and I like to let people know the real moments in my days.

So....here is to sharing the everyday with the people I love and possibly some strangers:)